Flirting is a big paradox. Instead of getting partner’s attention, it can reduce it significantly. Outsiders flirting with a partner when two people are in a committed relationship can make things go wrong. The other partner thinks their partner will desire them more because of the jealousy factor. That’s probably harmless and playful. The possessiveness can make a feel all the more romantic. But according to a study flirting can backfire a relationship disastrously.

A new study has revealed what happens when a person witnesses someone else flirting with their partner. It debunked a surprising truth about flirting and relationships. Instead of making the partner jealous through the intensification of desire, flirting incidents can decrease attraction. That’s the case even when the partner does not respond to the outsider flirting with them.

Mate Poaching

Researchers have shared a different perspective. They have revealed that flirting or any form of attention from others won’t increase the desirability of a partner in a relationship. The study challenges the traditional belief that attention from others can increase their attractiveness in the mind of the partner. The researchers now believe that attraction can weaken even long-term relationships. They found that a deep fear of insecurity was the reason behind this.

More attention does not mean more desire. This traditional belief does not at all apply to established relationships. The researchers have thrown light on mate poaching. An outsider that flirts with a partner can be seen more as a threat. This person can look as a potential competitor to the other partner. It can make the other partner lose attraction. The other partner may start disconnecting after this incident.

Researchers have called outsider flirting a paradox. It can make the partner feel less attracted and possessive. It can decrease the desire of the other partner. Outside attraction can only increase attractiveness of the other partner only during the starting stages of a relationship.

People in long-term or established relationships can become concerned about mate poaching. The thinking that another person can sweep the partner away can make the other partner in the relationship possessive. The emotional disconnection with a partner after such an incident happens out of safeguarding one’s self-esteem. The partners want to protect their self-esteem at this moment. They can feel emotionally hurt just by the thought of losing their partner. The lowered desire can soften the heartbreak in case the break up is on the way.

Efforts Wane

The researchers even found that people make use of positive and negative energies in order to keep their partners closer. Positive energies include giving gifts and spending quality time with your partner. Negative energies include trying to control the other partner’s time. The insecurity that comes when a partner notices their other partner being flirted with can make them feel withdrawn. People can give up on the positive energy exchange in a relationship post this incident. It is a defensive distancing response. Flirting with others when one is already in a relationship can also jeopardize the future of a relationship.